Wake up, alarm didn’t go off. Or you didn’t hear it. Roll out of bed, leaving that awful mess of a room behind. Walk dazedly into the bathroom, clean teeth, fall asleep in shower. You didn’t sleep properly again. Train leaves in fifty minutes, get ready or you’ll miss it. Grab money, bag and get dressed. Don’t shave again, too tired. Leave house, not saying a word to the parents who sit awkwardly in the kitchen talking politics and drinking weak coffee. Walk towards the bus top and stand next to a few old people. They smell a bit like pine trees. Get on the bus and pay, the old people didn’t get on. Sit on the bus.
Journey is dull, past the same old buildings, architecture trying to remind you of places long past and childhood memories but you are used to that wooden cabin and the steel fences. Go past an abandoned and fenced off train yard, covered in day old snow and brown mush. More like it, you think. Get off the bus and hurry through the town centre. The same old people walk past, carrying the same old things (Thatcoupleonthebenchisn’tactuallylookingandtalkingaboutyoustopthinkingtheyare). You swear you just walked past the same group of people but then you remember they all look the same. Walk past old girlfriends’ sister. Greet them awkwardly and hurry off towards the train station. Cross roads, don’t look, don’t care. No traffic anyway. The train station is in front. Reminds you of some awful block of flats and a mess of glass and dull grey stone. Walk inside. You’re not actually catching a train or going anywhere, you just liked to feel like you’re going somewhere. Stand around, walk off. Check phone, creepy girl text you again. Ignore it and carry on. Start remembering just how creepy the girl can be and hurry off feeling that you’re being watched. You are, there’s a CCTV camera tracking you but they always do that. The guard probably isn’t watching, he’s probably reading some poorly written rag while sipping coffee out of a plastic coffee. You now want coffee and then the tiredness hits in. That week of little sleep kicks in and you feel like everything is really slow. It is, the homeless man in front is walking really slowly. Ease past him and notice he’s listening to an iPod. Carry on, hear sirens. They aren’t after you why would they be, but then again you are crazy. That planes a bit low you think, duck instinctively. You’re insane.
Walk through the same muddle of faces and obese creatures. Shops are surprisingly full, tons of teenage girls trying to look twenty and buying cheap clothes which won’t last a week, like their relationships.
Head home, get on the bus and show the driver that day rider ticket you bought. He smiles and you sit down and smell coffee again. Put headphones in, Pink Floyd makes it all better. You stop thinking and start day dreaming of the songs, their colours beating through your mind. Then listen to Radiohead and start noticing the things around you. Go into bag, take out rubix cube and try to solve it. Man looks across and smiles. Looks like he’s having trouble at home, tired eyes and constantly fiddling with his ring finger. He goes into a wallet and looks at a picture. Maybe he lost his wife. Look down when he looks across. Didn’t see you, good. Don’t want people thinking you’re nosey. Not nosey, just bored. Solve rubix cube again. Get off bus, wrong stop. Walk anyway. Need the exercise. Go home, walk in. Parents have swapped places and don’t notice you. They are like an old painting and you can see the cracks in the oil. You want to paint again.
Paint again, don’t know what you’re painting. Ends up being this mess of gears and abstract shapes. Hide it under your bed, don’t like parents seeing your work and commenting. Know they look anyway. It’s five o’clock, dinner soon. Eat dinner, don’t say a word as your parents sit awkwardly. Ask yourself if they actually exist outside the kitchen. They watch that awful Australian soap while you poke at the mess of mince and potato on your plate. You hate Shepherds Pie but you get it every week. Turn on computer, go on the same old social network sites and sit staring for a few minutes at what people have said. You don’t care, see some of your friends have posted amusing things. Laugh to yourself and leave the computer again, bored again. Pick up that week old copy of Times to do the puzzles, you’ve done them all. You have college work to do, so you start it. Then look at your saved history, you’ve done it all. Just haven’t handed it in. You say to yourself, ‘must hand it in’ but you’ll forget.
It’s later now and you can’t remember the last two hours. Step into bed and lie there. You won’t sleep again but you try anyway. Dad walks in and asks you to walk the dog, You already have, he doesn’t believe you. Ignore him and try to sleep. Fall asleep, it’s five o’clock. Gotta be up at six.
Wake up, alarm didn’t go off. Or you didn’t hear it.
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